They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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