I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
