I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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