We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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