i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
