You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
