these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
