May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
