It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
