New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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