I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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