My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
