walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
my liver is dry heaving
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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