When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
