i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
