I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
