he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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