Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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