White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
