it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
