We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
