I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
