Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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