I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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