i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
