Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
