Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
A bitchslap is in order.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
