Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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