I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
