every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
