btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
