Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
