It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
