Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
