I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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