Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
