the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
try to milk me bitch
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