You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
