Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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