So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
