Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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