Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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