She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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