can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
