There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
