I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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