Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm at about main and main street
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
