in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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