You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
