he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
