Soap is not a condiment
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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